jessepnkman:

ladies, if a guy doesn’t eat pussy but still expects to get his dick sucked… laugh right in his face. leave the room in the midst of your laughter. go home while laughing. keep laughing for the rest of your life. never stop laughing.

(via romanticcufflinks)


nerdsarerhapsodic:

One of the kids in my high school class was born on April Fool’s and his dad missed his birth because when his mom called to say she was in labour he laughed and hung up on her

(via theonqreyjoy)


jiyongs-g-thong:

wheres the customize button for my face

(via sp0ntaneous-mess)


im still exhausted from beating all the other sperms

(Source: suicide-scars, via sp0ntaneous-mess)


kaliforhnia:

Idk why I keep getting sad over people that don’t give a shit about me.

(via cookiephil)


sassysinglelady:

What was the original purpose for this website because something went wrong along the way

(via cookiephil)


gooqueen:

every year after you turn 17 you get further away from being the age of the dancing queen and that’s my least favorite thing about growing up

(via cookiephil)


16,751 notes / reblog / 2 weeks ago
Nobody deserves to be treated like an option. -(via morningsuns)

(Source: ohlovequotes, via cookiephil)



breakfastburritoe:

old macdonald had a farm *bastille voice* eh oh eh oh eh eh oh eh oh

(via cookiephil)


enlargers:

"i dont know about you, but im feeling 22 officer so i dont think these underage drinking charges should really apply to me"

(via cookiephil)


21,040 notes / reblog / 2 weeks ago

classyhoothoot:

skatles:

isn’t it upsetting that your future husband is literally alive right now but you just don’t know who he is he could be with a STUPID GIRLFRIEND GET AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND

also isn’t it upsetting that your future wife is literally alive right now but you just don’t know who she is she could be lonely or sad or something horrible could be happening to her and oh no now im worried…

isn’t it upsetting that your future 50 cats are literally not born yet

(Source: hotsenator, via sp0ntaneous-mess)


262,658 notes / reblog / 2 weeks ago
officialfrenchtoast:

polople:

carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

neatpotatoes:

clamjob:

casmii:

pricklylegs:

memewhore:

I still don’t understand the perspective that’s going on here.

It`s a railing.

This fucked with my head so hard.

WAIT I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND

ITS ON TOP OF A WALL NOT GRASS

oh my god it’s the edge of a cement wall jesus christ that fucked me up so bad it took so long for me to understand

I STILL DONT GET IT

this is fucking with my head so much so i just accepted that thing is a squirrel

radstunts:

scraggay:

therealhamster:

scraggay:

handjobs are fuckin lame i can do that myself

you can scratch your own damn back but that doesnt mean it feels the same yo

i honestly tried to think of a witty response but i cannot damn that is a very valid point

this is the most civil ending to an argument i have ever witnessed on the internet

(Source: terrakion, via sp0ntaneous-mess)